The end of the school year approaches. I’m sad, and glad, at the same time but for different reasons. It feels like there’s too much to do but at the moment I’m caught in a holding pattern. There are things I can’t move forward on yet like grades and comments; and other things that are completed, with resulting free spaces or windows in my schedule. There’s kind of a lull before the storm of the year’s end.
In this context, doing tai chi has felt heavy and slow the last few days. I think of it as needing to be light, lifting me on my feet, but lately it’s been weighed down and much influenced by gravity. Today getting up and getting started was a challenge; instead I was sucked into reading the newspaper and visiting article after article. Just one more. Ok, one more after this. No really, just one more.
Tai chi, when it came, was slow but not particularly quality work. Breathwork was … Dull, for lack of a better word. It lacked any sharpness or precision. It wasn’t deliberate. It was just breath. Body placement, meh. No force behind the blocks, no owned power in the punches, no grace in the spins. Have I been this clumsy all along? Hard to say, from inside this bowl of dissatisfaction.
Things will get better eventually, of course. They always do. I’m at a low in my cycle and my work, and it will end, and I’ll bounce back. But for right now, it’s hard not to critique my work in tai chi as awful.
This too shall pass!