Due to changes in my morning routine (hello, thanksgiving break!), I didn’t do my tai chi before dawn today, instead, I did it outdoors in the mid-afternoon, after most of my cleanup from school was done. It went ok. I had a hard time adapting to the idea that I would do my practice in the afternoon rather than the morning, but I am pleased that I had a place and a plan to do the work, and then I did follow through.
I also found the location conducive to noticing theninge I hadn’t noticed in a while. It’s not often that I have a mirror in front of which I get to perform, much less in front of the mirror. Yet the position of the sun and the the position of my car in the parking lot turned the black surface of my car into a reflective surface. And I was able to to see how I was doing.
The answer is, not very well… when I’m watching myself. I do the daily practice now without having to pay attention to an external image of myself, or even following an external teacher. Yet when I tried to pay attention today, to the patterns and positions I was supposed to be holding, it was like standing in the dojo all over again, ten years ago, learning the forms. I was awkward from watching the Other… which was me.
It’s hard to know if the work that i did today was good, or bad. On the one hand, it was awkward and weird. On the other hand, I discovered some things that maybe I can fix moving forward.