During my short meditation last night, I felt a shimmer of radiance all over me. I tried to replicate it during the Five Golden Coins. Couldn’t do it.
Tried again during the Taiji form. couldn’t do it there either, but found my heartbeat. It’s awfully hard while putting your arms and feet in the right places, and remember to breathe correctly, to also remember what your heart is supposed to be doing. Your heart does what it’s supposed to do anyway, of course (until eventually, it doesn’t), but that doesn’t mean you notice it. until you do.
As I did, today. Sometimes during Taiji I’m breathing hard and sweating. But today I was much more conscious of this rock-steady heartbeat underlying every action.
Afterward I sat in meditation for a timed halfhour. Twenty minutes into the meditation, I startled into awakeness. My autocorrect wants me to change it to awareness, but that’s wrong. I know what awareness is. This was something else. Awakeness. That’s what I mean.
I’d be hard pressed to tell you the difference right now, between awareness and awakeness (damn you autocorrect), but there is one.