Andrew

Lunch Conversation

I had lunch in Panera Bread today, and it was very crowded. The place was mobbed with holiday shoppers of various stripes, ages and genders. The folks behind the counter were overworked and crazy, and if Friday is going to be at all like today, count me out. There was only one place to sit in the whole joint, one of the big overstuffed leather armchairs by the fake fireplace, which was not exactly conducive to trying to get the work done that I wanted to do, but I was prepared to try.

However, across from me in a big overstuffed leather loveseat was a couple. He was beefy and shorthaired, and she was elfin with lots of earrings, and they were talking about sex. Apparently after eyeing one anotherfor a lengthy period of time, they’d been at a party, gotten hammered, and eventually gone home to do it. They were recounting their earlier experiences and post coitally checking each other’s sexual histories out — there was even some talk about Weapons of Mass Destruction and Germ Warfare from the guy. As a warning, guys… this is not the best way to talk to your recent bed partner about STDs. The preferred protocol is a) before, and not after, and b) seriously, without referencing geopolitical affairs which you clearly do not understand.

In any case, the girl revealed that her first time was in a cornfield. “A cornfield?” the guy says in disbelief. “That’s sick. That’s totally wrong.” She went on about it for a bit, how it was a much older guy and she was too young, and… and…

By this point, I felt I needed to be going. However, I couldn’t resist (though in retrospect I probably should have). As I stood up and grabbed my bag, I said, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help overhearing…” and I couldn’t, since they were seated three feet in front of me, and they were loud,“… but losing one’s virginity in a cornfield is a 10,000 year old tradition, and it’s sacred. Maybe it didn’t happen in the best way. But it is a powerful thing, and I hope that many blessings and rewards are heaped upon you for it.”

And then I left.

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48 comments

  3. Specifically Sacred? True

    We know that in ancient Mesopotamia, there was a ceremony the Greeks called the hieros gamos, or sacred wedding, in which a virgin woman entered the temple and slept in the god’s bed after a full wedding ceremony. She did so in order to help fertilize the fields, according to Herodotus, and the assumption on the part of many scholars, given finds at Jarmo and at Çatal Hüyük and elsewhere, is that this was a continuation of an ancient tradition, that of giving the gods sexual favors at planting and harvest. And in England, the tradition was of an Oak King for summer and a Holly King for winter, who each slew each other in succession, in order to win the right to mate with the Goddess. The opening pages of J.G. Frazer’s The Golden Bough are all about a similar arrangement at the Roman town of Nemi, where the Forest King slew his predecessor in order to mate with the goddess Diana.

    In a slightly unrelated tradtion, in Vodou, a woman consecrated to Erzulie (I think it is), refrains from sexual relations on all Thursdays, so that the god can impregnate her on that day.

    Maybe MAGICAL is a better choice of word, but the the notion of sex in a field in order to fertilize a field (or a forest) is an ancient one. And as noted elsewhere in this entry’s comments, frequently with violent death.

    Reply

  5. Okay, I gotta know. I’m certain that virginity losing in cornfields is in fact a custom which is about as old as cultivated corn. That goes without saying, though it’s fun to say (which is why it goes with saying so much). About it being specifically sacred, I’m thinking this you made up on the spot for the theater of the situation. True or false?

    —

    A sales clerk at my local Sears (housewares dept) asked if I was a writer after I explained to her that, on the day before Thanksgiving, I was seeking a gravy boat. I think it was that I said, “I found the sticker on the shelf indicating where the gravy boats should be, yes, but beyond the stickers all I found was a vast expanse of nothingness.” which made her wonder about the writer part 🙂 I said “no” (though, I suppose I should have said “yes, among many other things” — but I’m not a professional or even all-that-frequent writer, which is what I think she was asking).

    Reply

  6. Okay, I gotta know. I’m certain that virginity losing in cornfields is in fact a custom which is about as old as cultivated corn. That goes without saying, though it’s fun to say (which is why it goes with saying so much). About it being specifically sacred, I’m thinking this you made up on the spot for the theater of the situation. True or false?

    —

    A sales clerk at my local Sears (housewares dept) asked if I was a writer after I explained to her that, on the day before Thanksgiving, I was seeking a gravy boat. I think it was that I said, “I found the sticker on the shelf indicating where the gravy boats should be, yes, but beyond the stickers all I found was a vast expanse of nothingness.” which made her wonder about the writer part 🙂 I said “no” (though, I suppose I should have said “yes, among many other things” — but I’m not a professional or even all-that-frequent writer, which is what I think she was asking).

    Reply

    • Specifically Sacred? True

      We know that in ancient Mesopotamia, there was a ceremony the Greeks called the hieros gamos, or sacred wedding, in which a virgin woman entered the temple and slept in the god’s bed after a full wedding ceremony. She did so in order to help fertilize the fields, according to Herodotus, and the assumption on the part of many scholars, given finds at Jarmo and at Çatal Hüyük and elsewhere, is that this was a continuation of an ancient tradition, that of giving the gods sexual favors at planting and harvest. And in England, the tradition was of an Oak King for summer and a Holly King for winter, who each slew each other in succession, in order to win the right to mate with the Goddess. The opening pages of J.G. Frazer’s The Golden Bough are all about a similar arrangement at the Roman town of Nemi, where the Forest King slew his predecessor in order to mate with the goddess Diana.

      In a slightly unrelated tradtion, in Vodou, a woman consecrated to Erzulie (I think it is), refrains from sexual relations on all Thursdays, so that the god can impregnate her on that day.

      Maybe MAGICAL is a better choice of word, but the the notion of sex in a field in order to fertilize a field (or a forest) is an ancient one. And as noted elsewhere in this entry’s comments, frequently with violent death.

    • Re: Specifically Sacred? True

      Made it, yes. I read “Dawn” to a receptive audience. I’m never really sure how to gauge their reactions… I’m generally too caught up in the delivery to really absorb the energy of the house after I’ve started. Now and then I’ll get somebody misty towards the front and then, of course, I know I’ve hit home. Ditto when someone actually approaches me with comments.

      One thing’s for sure – I owe YOU a big thanks for introducing me to that place two years ago. I’ve become a fixture and generally feel quite welcome there. It’s been very good for me, too, to be writing more. Having a ready audience sometimes is the last 10% of motivation I need to take inspiration and realize it as text.

  13. Glad you liked it. Also glad to see your P’Town feature went so well. I’d like doing that gig someday. Cape Cod is a cool place.

    The stuff at the Uxbridge Catholic Church… not so cool. Sorry, man.

    Reply

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