Today was a wall. It was hard to get up, hard to do the form (I started twice before I got the groove that got me through), and hard to feel I’d really done it. Balance sucked, breathing sucked, joints popped, legs felt tight, arms felt heavy. Running yesterday was like that. We did a different route — around the school, basically, and at one point I got slapped in the chest by a whipping branch from a tree. It was like a pistol shot, and it shut me down for thirty seconds or so, maybe more. The run was even harder given that it was so cold, and I felt so thick.
I woke up yesterday feeling grey, in the sense that I felt worn down, worn out, and ruined. At school, I found out that the son of a colleague had been found dead overseas, and there were hints of foul play. Finding that out kind of sent me into “oh, I’m needed” mode, and in fact I was needed. It’s amazing how the distress of a colleague winds up pushing me into “this is terrible!” and “how can I help?” modes simultaneously. I wound up being the preacher at the chapel service in the morning, and that got me through until 10. The kid right after chapel, though, needed me so badly that we both wound up in tears; hearing about the kid who had died reminded him of hisfather’s death. The catharsis got us both through ’til lunch. Fencing practice was disastrous with both Pat and I off treading water in the deep end as far as energy levels go. Then the dinner with the faculty, and I opened my big mouth again with G and said something stupid. Three times in two weeks. Then a conversation with two different parents — one I’d not been expecting in which I got slammed; one I was expecting, and expecting to get slammed, that left me upbeat. It was a roller coaster of a day, emotionally speaking.
was in the same boat. I don’t know if she’ll post about it, but she and her colleagues got slammed on a customer service issue from a difficult patient, and she was feeling pretty down. Send some love her way.
In general I’ve been hitting walls this week. I feel like I have no time, even with the arrangements I’ve made toward getting stuff done before it’s due. I’ve also been suffering from foot-in-mouth disease, saying stuff and getting myself in trouble because I don’t understand the whole situation. I want to understand, and I have my own priorities, but it’s hard to figure out what the school is choosing sometimes, and that means I open my big mouth and say stupid things. It’s been troubling.