I put my girlfriend L— through a lot of unnecessary stress yesterday, and this morning. Originally, we were going to go to Lord of the Rings together, with my colleague C—. Then C— decided he didn’t want to go in the evening, he wanted to go to an afternoon show; and I told L— that I wanted her to come to the school Christmas Party that evening.

So C— and I went to see LotR, as most of my readers know, and then rather than go out to dinner with him, we hurried home so I could be at my place when L—- showed up. Only, because of the weather, it took her a long, long time to get here. She was cranky and miserable when she showed up, and going to the holiday party wasn’t really a great idea for her at that point. Waaah.

So we sat for a while, until she felt a little better, and then we went out to dinner. The day was beginning to catch up with me, at that point and I was getting tired. L—- was all tired and yet energized, too, and she couldn’t sleep. So we wound up watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer before bed. She was still very energized, though, and couldn’t sleep even after we cuddled for a while (because of the UTI, it’s still kinda uncomfortable for me to do much of anything — and the antibiotics aren’t helping).

Eventually, I fell asleep, but I don’t think L—- went to sleep in a timely fashion. She looked cranky still this morning when she had to depart, at quarter of six this morning so she could make a staff meeting at work. I felt really bad for her, and I didn’t know how to make her feel better. She was upset that she had come all the long way from Boston to my place for not a whole lot going on; and she was upset that I was so tired; and she was upset that we didn’t really do any of the things we had originally planned to do — not the movie, not the holiday party, not the comfortable easy time with one another. She was really frustrated, and I was frustrated too by a lack of ideas about how to make her happy.

I wanted so badly to make her happy, and I didn’t know how.

This morning, I have a massive headache that spreads across the whole of my forehead and back to my temples, and lingers in the space directly above and behind where my spine joins to my head. I think it’s related to the antibiotics; my colleage Lucinda says that antibiotics are useful and good, but not realy benevolent. I have to agree with her. Today I’m really uncomfortable and achey, and I don’t know what to do to relieve it. Motrin is not working.

I have two long car drives to do today — one, I have to go to Worcester for fencing practice. Two, I have to go down to Bozrah to pick up L—-‘s Christmas present. Both drives are at least an hour each way. I suspect they won’t be fun, and they’ll be difficult for other reasons than just the antibiotics and their side effects. My parents are coming to Christmas Eve dinner, at my place, and the house is a total mess. There are piles of books and papers everywhere, I have no decorations to put up, and between the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry room, and the bedroom, there’s way too much cleaning to be done.

All I want to do right now is figure out a way to make up for my stupidity and selfishness last night, and make things ok with Leah and me. I feel like we didn’t part on the best of terms, and I don’t want her to be upset, cranky or mad at me.

There is also 4500 words to write for White Wolf, and I can’t work on that while I’m behind the wheel of a car going to get L—-‘s Christmas present or going to fencing. I have stuff to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it in.

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