Still at Mom and Dad’s. Things are improving. TOmorrow is the first time we’re going to grandma’s apartment together since she died. None of us has really been looking forward to it. I’ve been somewhat impatient to go, because I have other things to do — get ready for school, see , and more. But now that we’re actually talking about going tomorrow, I find that I’m not really eager to see how much stuff grandma has that needs to be moved and gotten rid of and decided upon, and delivered to my place or my parents’ or whoever.

Mom has already done this with her own parents’ place, once, and she has been constantly commenting on how much stuff there is that people need to live — towels, plates, glasses, turkey basters, soap, toothbrushes, panty hose, and more — and that none of it can go to anyone else, because all those people already have the same stuff. They don’t need extra can openers or extra cans of Lysol or a year’s suppy of toilet paper. They already have these things.

Dad came home stinking drunk last night, and late. Mom was furious, and apparently a chance comment of mine led to a bit of a confrontation between Mom and Dad this morning over his alcohol habits. There may be changes coming down the line in the future. or not.

Part of me is glad to have been here last night, and today. Part of me wants to be away and doing, thinking, about anything else.

It occurs to me today that I tend to be a lot more private than I need to be. In the last couple of days, two of my friends have called me, other than . I miss hearing a lot of voices, and I think I need to work on widening my circle of friends, and deepening my relationships with people. Right now I’m feeling disconnected and alone, and it’s made things hard on , because she’s been trying like crazy to stay connected, and I’ve not been making it easy for her. Love you, my dear. Really. Even if I have a hard time showing it sometimes.

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